Unrequited Awkwardness
by Illisandria Carthain
Summary: They loved each other more than they could  or would  say. Neither knew they both felt the same. Age/Species appropriate Perryshmirtz. Twoshot.
1. Dr Doofenshmirtz

(A/N: I hope you enjoy this. This is my first Phineas and Ferb fanfic. It came to me when I read a B2 (Buford and Baljeet) fic where it was age-appropriate (romance for ten year-olds) and I thought: hey 'Sandria. I bet you could make an age/species appropriate Perryshmirtz

((Dr. Doofenshmirtz))  
I can't explain when it really happened or when I began to realise it, all I can say is that it was obvious. I was in love with my nemesis.

Now if this were some inane babblings of a fangirl writing a fanfiction through my voice then there would be some carnal affection for the teal-coloured, semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal of justice but I can assure you that my love is pure. Well, at least more pure than my love for my ex-wife was, anyways. Also, if this were a fanfiction, I would be building one of three -inators: a human-inator (to turn said _Ornithorhynchus anatinus_ into a more attainable _Homo sapien_), a speak-the-same-language-inator (to allow one lonely neutral-evil scientist to communicate with his silent—except for the occasional "Rrrkrrkr"—frenemy), or a platypus-inator (to reverse the scene described with the first -inator). However, as I have stated before, this is not a fanfiction; this is real life. And in real life you can't just use an -inator to fix all of your problems (since it seems that most -inators cause your problems in the first place)...you have to learn how to fix them on your own.

Easy, right? Just confess. Say "Hey, Perry the Platypus, I love you—and not in that 'I like to love animals' way—in the 'I truly truly love you' way!" Or even just say "Rrkrrrkr" which I believe is platypus for "I love you" (Which is completely different from his classic "Rrrkrrkr". I don't know what that means.)

WRONG!

So—in lieu of the confession—I've been sending signals to him, hoping he'd notice. They're subtle (well I think they're subtle) and since he's a secret agent and all he should pick up on them. The major one is my -inators. Lately I've been so focused on seeing him instead of conquoring the Tri-state area that my -inators are flat at best. For example: my latest -inator was the Popcorn-Removal-inator ("Ever get that one kernel of popcorn stuck in the back of your throat—auch-! it's so annoying—anyways, I have developed a ray that creates a wave-particle sequence that dislodges that annoying kernel.") There really was no way I could use that -inator to take over the Tri-state area but he stopped me anyways.

Maybe I'm being TOO subtle. I wish I could just make a Notice-My-Affection-inator and point it towards Perry and FIRE! But I can't. It just wouldn't work. So, for now I just have to tough it out and hope he notices on his own. Just wait until this unrequited awkwardness ends. But he probably won't...

Curse you Perry the Platypus...


	2. Perry the Platypus

(A/N: Since my iPod is being stupid I have to post them together, one right after another. Hope you like my story! Also: is it just me or is Heinz Doofenshmirtz just a SMIDGE cynical in the first part? And did you catch the Fourth-Wall-Breaking-inator moment I added in there? Didja?)

((Perry the Platypus aka: Agent P of the O.W.S.C.A.))  
I loved him. It was a long time coming, true, but I did. I loved Heinz Doofenshmirtz of Gimmelshtomp, Druselstine. I loved my nemesis.

It wasn't the kind of love I saw Linda and Lawrence express in their bedroom at night (the main reason I sleep with Phineas and Ferb or Candice) nor is it the love I have for my family. It's a new kind of love - completely alien to me. It's the type of love that, would it not worry them out of their minds, I would abandon my cover with the Flynn-Fletcher family and live undercover with Doctor D. It's the kind of love that makes me satisfied just seeing him. It's the kind of love where I fantasise about sitting in his lap, having him pet me and rub that one spot on my neck that makes my tail spring up.

It's not like I haven't told him I love him. Very few people realise that the only phrase a platypus actually vocalises is "I love you". Everything else is communicated via pheromone release, body language, and a few facial expressions. So whether I say "Rrrkrrkr" or "Rrkrrrkr" or even "Rrrrkkrkrkrkkkr", it means the same thing.

"I love you."

But I suppose we won't ever be able to get past the whole "mortal enemy" thing, huh?

LOOK AT ME! Here I am moping on about you like Candice does Jeremy and I'm supposed to be "protecting the world" from YOU. The one I love. Messed up world we live in, eh Heinz?

All I can do to express this unrequited awkwardness is talk. Just one phrase...

"Kkkrrkrrkrrkr..."


End file.
